My personal story of pain and loss in the workplace…as employers we can cause more pain or help our associates heal during time of loss.
Based on my personal experiences, worldview and culture I had been conditioned to believe that strength equated to suppressing my feelings. Additionally, as a Christian, I was often reminded that I should pray and not be consumed by emotions. With that being said, like most, I learned how to put on a mask and pretend that all was well. Certainly, there are others who are suffering more than I am, I would often remind myself, so keeping busy was a method in which I used to cope with loss. The masquerade party ended abruptly in 2007. On September 3, 2007, I received a call that my youngest uncle, Keith who had grown up like a brother to me had been murdered. At the time I could not comprehend what the caller was saying. There were so many unanswered questions to include the typical who, what, when and why. The year 2007 was plagued with several personal losses to include the death of family members, divorce from my first husband, and my niece was reunited with her mother, rightfully so, after she had been a part of my immediate family for three years.
In the midst of all of this, I was trying to learn a new position after accepting a role with at a Brokerage firm. My employment with this company caused additional grief through misguided racial comments, jokes, and insensitivity during an extremely painful time in my life. When my uncle was murdered there was no sympathy from the company, no call of concern, card, or flowers…to them it was an uncle. A family member who did not meet the requirements of an immediate family member based on their definition and standards. Not understanding that you can’t put a value on an individual’s feelings toward one another based on their relationship on a family tree. None of the leaders questioned my relationship with my deceased uncle, asked his name, his age, or bothered to gather the facts surrounding his murder. If they would have asked, they would have learned that we grew up like brother and sister, we were inseparable, we loved one another deeply and the bond that we shared remains alive in my heart today. The one question that was asked and resonated with me the most was regarding my return to work date. Not wanting to lose my position, being newly divorced with two young children, I returned back to work within days never truly grieving the loss of my loved one or the other losses endured during that year.
There were mornings when I didn’t recall how I got to work, I couldn’t concentrate, I was extremely sad and wasn’t eating due to a lack of appetite. One day during a business luncheon, my manager made a comment about my weight loss and how my pants were too big. I would subconsciously add additional holes to my belt to keep my pants up, however it didn’t occur to me that I had been overtaken by my grief. I couldn’t remember simple things and began to feel as though I was losing my mind. My employer recognized that my behavior was out of character, however, did nothing to understand the root cause. I did not feel comfortable, supported or safe sharing my personal pain associated with my losses with my employer. As a result, we parted ways, which was one of the best decisions made to date. While losing this position would attribute to yet another loss, I was able to take a few months to reflect, process my grief, and heal.
I am grateful for the experience with this employer as it fueled the passion to educate leaders and organizations on the hidden cost of grief in the workplace. While the experience was uncomfortable, it produced many blessings in my life to include understanding my purpose and hidden gifts that needed to be matured and shared with others. However, this is not always the ending experienced by grieving individuals. Suicide seemed like a viable option at that time, however processing my grief I realized I had too much to live for. What if our actions or lack thereof pushes an individual over the edge? Long gone are the days of expecting employees to leave their personal feelings at the door.
Did you know that the annual cost of employee grief to US employers was $75 billion in 2003 and death of a loved one accounted for 37.6 billion alone?
When adjusted in 2017 dollars, death of a loved one taxes employers more than $75-$100 billion annually. Grief is a fact of life. While there are many articles and books that have been published on the subject of grief, very little is available on how to deal with it in the workplace. This is unfortunate because grief can dramatically impact the work environment. The Grief Recovery Institute conducted a recent study to quantify the financial impact of grief in the workplace. Recognizing that people grieve not only death, but other factors as well, they studied. That is an enormous figure by anyone’s standards. In fact, the cost of grief are often hidden under the statistics. For example, the Council on Alcoholism estimates that alcohol abuse contributes annual costs to industry in excess of $276 billion. What this statistic omits is the fact that the vast majority of alcohol relapses occur as the direct result of the death of a loved one, divorce, or romantic break-up. So, the cost of losing a loved one likely far exceeds $100 billion per year.
Grief is one of the most misunderstood growth processes that we can go through. So, as employers, leaders, mentors and those in the workforce, we must be careful not to cause additional grief due to lack of education around this topic. There are those who may be grieving and depressed, your actions can cause more pain or help them heal.
With heightened awareness, and some simple practical shifts in communication, the cost could be substantially mitigated. Providing employees with tools to plan ahead so they can deal with their grief more effectively can greatly reduce the effects of their grief.
Benefits: health benefits-mental health services/counseling services (EAP)
Flex Time: work from home in order to have private time
Be available: let them know you are available to talk and share encouragement
Reassign certain projects and work until griever is ready to focus on work
Be respectful of the grieving process-it may take months before the person is able to regain productivity
As an employer, showing support and informing staff of available workplace resources can help a grieving employee manage their responsibilities and maintain mental wellness throughout the process. It is important for individuals who are dealing with loss to feel supported.
Here’s how we can help:
- The Hidden Cost of Grief in the Workplace Seminars
- Lunch and Learn Presentations
- Grief Workshops
- One on one and Group Grief Recovery Classes
Please contact us for more information.
Lina Lassiter, President
Forever Healed
www.foreverhealed.com 804-684-1113
