Fear of losing self:
In grief recovery class we talk about STERBS (Short Term Emotional Relieving Behaviors). These are the things that we do as coping mechanisms when going through a crisis or stressful situations. Sometimes the “noise” of every day life can cause us to become “busy” and prevents us from sitting with ourselves.
If you are feeling as though you are losing yourself during this time of COVID 19 while working remotely, not working at all, homeschooling kids, some of us are taking care of sick family members. There are some of us who feel a sense of self- loss as we aren’t serving at our churches or coordinating events for our favorite non-profit. Some of us have lost the downtime between work and family.
Consider this…what if you are losing yourself to find yourself. Who are you outside of the makeup, fancy wardrobe, titles, parenting, being a spouse, and serving on ministries? What causes you the most anxiety or stress when there is no noise in your life? Perhaps you are realizing that the motives behind your serving weren’t pure. Maybe you are seeing areas in which you have placed on pause that you need to refocus.
It is hard to know ourselves and find our own voice in the midst of so many other dominant ideas and opinions. I liken this feeling to how some empty nesters feel when their children leave home. They have to adjust to their children becoming more independent while finding who they are outside of making decisions on behalf of their children.
How do we build a strong sense of self?
Self-discovery requires getting lost. That’s how we learn about ourselves, who we are, what we are meant to give, who we’re supposed to meet, what we’re supposed to learn from them, and where we’re supposed to go. That’s how we become.
1) Lean into the discomfort of spending time with yourself:
My Co-Pastor met with ladies of my church and she said it is important to have some “me time”. It is true that learning to be alone if you aren’t used to it can at first feel a bit miserable. Emotions you have hidden from yourself might surface, and you might, for the first time in a long time, actually feel a little lonely. But wait it out. Once you adjust to spending time alone you’ll also start to hear yourself clearly. It can be quite exciting to suddenly have a clearer voice in your head telling you what you do and don’t like. Journal, take a walk, read…sometimes the television and social media distract us from doing the things we once enjoyed. Learn to say no…when we say yes to everything we are ultimately saying no to something…. is it you?
2) Develop Hobbies and Interests:
Hobbies and interests are healthy, life-enriching activities. Not only do they reduce stress, boost confidence, and combat boredom, but hobbies also allow each person to discover more about who they are and what they like. Knowledge of self is critical to the perception of oneself. After all, how can you know who you are if you don’t know what you enjoy doing in your spare time? Once you pinpoint your hobby, practice it regularly, take a related class, and network with people who also enjoy your favorite activities.
3) Take internal inventory of your values, beliefs, and desires
Take some time to sit down with a journal and some pen and paper and find out who you are. What do you believe in? What are your values? What do you want out of life? What are your strengths? Weaknesses? Learning more about every aspect of yourself will take time, but it is possible.
4) Turn your purpose into action
Challenge yourself and take small steps each day to bring you closer to your goals. Everything worth fighting for takes a lot of effort, and you are worth it!
5) Daily Positive Affirmations or daily devotionals help to boost your confidence and make you feel as though you can accomplish what you want. There are plenty of suggestions around the web, but you can also make some of your own as needed.
I will close with this quote:
“One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else.” – Unknown
Lose yourself in order to find yourself. Be well everyone!
