We have kids who are seniors in high school and college who have worked hard and are looking forward to graduation day, to find out that there ceremony may be postponed or cancelled.
They may not be able to go to the prom, school dances or enjoying the company of their friend at lunch. Some of them may be missing their educators and a structured learning environment. Regardless of the circumstance, they are grieving all of the scenarios, as they are losses.
Let me remind, or introduce to some the meaning of grief and loss. Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. That includes a loss of safety, or the fear of a loss of safety. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern.
When we turn on the news we are inundated with stories about the coronavirus, and we may be getting conflicting information. It’s a hoax, it’s not serious, don’t worry, to being told to prepare for a pandemic.
You might see people wearing facemasks and gloves or have noticed that
your local store is out of hand sanitizer and other supplies to include toilet
paper. You might have heard that your local government is preparing for an
emergency while at the same time people on Facebook are posting that the flu is
more dangerous.
Symptoms of grief:
- Sleeplessness
- Loss of appetite
- Poor grades
- Crying
- Nightmares
- Sighing
- Absent mindness
- Social withdrawal
- Verbal attacks
- Fighting
- Excessive touching
- Excessive hugging
So, what do we do to help our children during these times?
First of all, please know that there is no clear set of guidelines for all children. Kids have different levels of maturity and awareness based on their ages and personalities. Just as we are unique and individual, so are they. That means you have to meet the child where they are.
- We can 1st help our children by helping ourselves. Our honesty in seeing and relaying loss and grief issues that run through our lives will indeed be the role model for our children. Tell the truth about your feelings; doing so will help your child feel safe.
- Identifying the feelings-give it a name! Adults often urge children to stuff or deny their feelings because we are uncomfortable with seeing those feelings. The more we promote denial of feelings, the greater the feelings become. Hurt will begin to dissipate when we identify our pain.
- Validate your child’s feelings (Graduation is extremely important)
- Incorporate the child’s thoughts and feeling into creative writing (story telling, journaling, essay, letters, autobiographies)…memory book about school, teachers, friends etc. They can create songs or dances to create new feelings.
I want to close with this…we are all educators in life. I often hear the question…what is wrong with the kids today? Children are faced with experiences and memories that may be incomprehensible to us:
- Divorce
- Death
- Sexual Abuse
- Relocation
- Exposure to violence
- Bullying
- And, now we are dealing with this COVID 19
So, all of us can help to create a safe and feeling environment for our children. Let’s have the patience before responding and acting out without proper thought. S.A.F.E.
Seize the moment. Guide the child through their healing process.
Act-children respond to warmth and caring…reach out!
Find Strengths. Children are taught to hide feelings and these feelings come out in some way. If we truly knew what was driving the child to act out, we would be less prone to judge
Establish-a relationship! Let the child know that you are aware of what they are going through and that you will be there when he or she needs to talk.
Lina and Chasity, Forever Healed
